May. 5th, 2009

evilkate: (Default)

I am standing at this crossroads (have been for a few weeks now) and, though I feel closer to stepping up, every time I get close ... I back away.

For what?

No. From whom would be more accurate. I have a fair few good friends on the interwebs but only a dozen-ish solid, super close and "I'd tell anything to" ones. Which is okay. It's more than many, less that some and I've never really been into the whole counting thing anyway. Heh.

Quality over quantity any day.


But waffling divergences aside - I am in a serious quandary. I think ... no ... I know that I have a dangerous fascination with one such old and good friend. MY greatest fear is losing that friendship. Yes yes ... if they were such a good friend, it'd all work out regardless. They'd politely say 'no thanks' and the world would settle back to normal.

Well, some shade of what passes for normal in my little world :) - it isn't a word I'm too fond of, but it's the one that fits.

So there I am - poised on the precipice ... SO wanting to say something but, as yet, unable to. As far as I can tell, from all observations, they don't even know I exist at that level. Not even sure if they think anyone does re them.

So indeed. Chicken-hearted I am. Heh.

Sleeping is difficult - can't stop thinking about them. They fascinate me on every level - from so many angles. I have, however, been burned harshly and often over recent years .... so I suppose I'm gunshy. Or maybe I'd rather live in the dream that risk the reality.

Cop-out much. Sure. Hey .... at least I am honest :P

We aren't even much alike. In many ways almost opposite. Perhaps I have a subliminal drive to look toward the unattainables. Or perhaps I'm more afraid that revealing my heart would prove the unattainable ... ain't.

I know. I think too much and act too little.

I already said I was Chicken-hearted ... what more do you want?

Besides - surely if there was a remote interest, they'd have said something well before now. Unless, tragic irony of irony, they are just as uncertain. Did I mention I think too much? :)

Okay - enough late late ramblings. I wander now to see if I can get SOMETHING close to sleep.

*Falls out of comfy chair*

evilkate: (Default)
I've decided to start posting some of my T-shirts - ones I found interesting or amusing. Why? Basically because many RL friends and just people I meet, well they often comment on how they really like my shirtage choices. So, to be fair (or mean - you decide) to my online friends ... I figured I'd show them over time - maybe one a week or something :P

The first is the only one I haven't 'yet' worn. Mainly because in the context of a male body it seems a little sexist - whereas on a femme it carries an extra political 'out' message. Once my chestage grows a little more - then I'll look toward wearing it. Hehe - can't wait.

Oh and FYI - one of the housemates also got this one and she's already worn hers (byatch) ;) - and it carried  the exact double message expected in her case. Mind you - she has much more going on up-front that I do ... I mean - she only has a decade of growth on me! :P

Anyways ... here it is: Installment Numero One

I likey muchy! :P

Kate Out


evilkate: (Default)

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