Aug. 1st, 2009

evilkate: (Default)
Okay ... so fine! - the world known as my readers are not big French and Saunders fans! Media Illiterates! :P

So moving on, to something that struck me a week or so back, with the inadvertent help of a housemate. Hehe - or entirely advertent perhaps - I'm not, despite some rumours, a mind reader.

Anywho. I was explaining the recent depression stuff and how it felt as though they'd pulled back. How we all got along so well and then it seemed to stall. I did make sure to add that I knew it was perception more than reality, but a very real perception - warped by my trust issues - all the same.

So, without recounting the entire conversation, which went for some time - which was good in itself, putting many paranoid issues to sleep again - well something else came out of the talk.

Not so much directly and the irony is it was something I already knew; something I've told others before. I'd forgotten it - becoming too settled in my issue to notice. Which is the heart of the whole point here really: I needed to take an honest view of myself and I did for a very long time. Recently it moved into facing things I'd previously been unable, or unwilling or both, to face. Most of you, having read for a while, will know about all that now.

In this, my view of honesty is simply acknowledging things. If I'm depressed or traumatised or whatever ... to admit it to myself. After all, one can only deal with an issue after it is known. You have to gather that awareness before progress can begin.

The problem though is ... once that is done ... the awareness is there. It isn't going anywhere - it won't fade or cease to be. That being the case, what point is there in continuing to focus too narrowly on it.

I suppose - the easiest way to explain it is - you have to look back to find the issues and so on .. but you then have to look forward in order to deal with them. Not in a 'glance-away' denial kind of thing; it is more ... avoiding being too embedded in the problem that you cease looking at the answers.

Quite an obvious and simple thing really. Took me some time to re-gather it though and now that I have ... things are turning well, if slowly. It is all about where and how you focus your mind. Keep that eye on the problem and the messages you send to the undermind are only going to reinforce that view. So you have to avoid that - instead ... know the problem but focus attention on solutions ... then, the messages being sent to the undermind will be ones that put apart the embedded views, allowing new growth to finally arrive.

I know I'm not there yet ... but I can see it now.

Kate Out


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