evilkate: (Default)
It's been a strange few days, full of new perspectives - some of them relating to my entry two posts back (details on that development another time) and some from a realisation I had, partly due to the first. Hehe.

Confused yet? - well - join the club.

I had spent so many years - the days of denial - not being honest: with myself as much as anyone around me, but then it can be difficult to be honest to others where you aren't to yourself. I know some don't agree with that reasoning but I believe it to be true - at least from my perspective. Anyway, I got past all that and when I decided, after much reflection, to transition, I vowed to only be honest from that point on. So far I've managed reasonably well. Maybe too well sometimes. I'm starting to think there could be such a thing as too much sharing. Perhaps contradictory, given this very entry is more of the same - but meh ... I'm not perfect. Heh.

So I am quite forthright about how I feel about something or where I am in my head at any moment and, the big realisation, is how that trait combines with another to offer an external view of me that could be called 'self-directed' - okay, 'me me me' describes it better :)

The other trait is that I don't press or ask about others. Not because I'm not interested, but rather that I simply have an embedded respect for the privacy of people. If someone opens up and shares then I'm all into discussion and happy to do the old back and forth. However, if they don't then I won't ask. It isn't that I'm not interested ... just not into prying (as it feels to me).

Silly eh? - heh - especially given how, when combined with how open I tend to be, it can leave an impression that, in my world, everything is about me. So yeah - not I've noticed it I am going to start trying to push against friends a little more. :)

Be afraid - be very afraid.

Oh - and the whole "regard for other people's privacy" thing isn't the only reason I'm a little reticent - but, for now, it will be the only one mentioned. There's a biggest nastier reason and, in time, that too will be blogged - if only to get it out into the light, to move another step past feeling dirty. Heh. Let's just say I have a few trust issues - even with good friends - from reasons well-founded. I'm working on it all with a Psychiatrist chappy and soon ... soon I think I'll be able to post it up.

But enough of all that ... the warning is posted. Be afraid :)

Kate Out

Profile

evilkate: (Default)
evilkate

October 2010

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627 282930
31      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 25th, 2017 10:39 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios