I think I get it, more than most of the others seem to, and I'm somewhat genderqueer myself (still figuring it out, but it varies between "I used to be female and not I'm not *nostalgia*", feeling gender-neutral, and wanting to appear masculine. But I don't really want the parts. Still, I think it's best for me to assume I don't get it completely and be open to learning. With anything in life, really.
Regarding what your roommates said, the woman I was speaking of is like that too. It's noticeable more when she's dressed in a feminine way, or when she lets her guard down, something in the way she holds herself and the way she moves, and her energy. Even though she doesn't pass, even when dressed up, she's a woman and she's feminine. The masculine seems like a mask that she puts on for the outside world, and when she's dressed in regular clothes she just passes as a regular guy, but still, even then, she's a woman inside.
For me, if it weren't for the trauma (which will make it hard for me even with a cisgendered woman), I think I could handle the pre-op thing. I don't know for sure, but in my head, a penis on a woman is just a completely different thing from a penis on a man. I think the hardest part is that I'd rather the penis be on me not on my partner, but to me that's all secondary to loving someone or not loving someone. It's a part, but to love someone, you have to be able to have a good relationship with them in all kinds of situations, most of which are outside the bedroom, and I think things in the bedroom can be worked out if the attraction is there, while if you haven't found someone you can enjoy yourself with for a considerable amount of time outside of the bedroom, then you've found a one-night-stand at best.
But this manner of thinking makes it harder for me to find partners, not easier. A lot of women seem younger than me, even if they aren't (most of the girls in our circle are in their twenties, like me), because they're freer, and haven't had the experiences I've had. I've learned a lot from all my relationships, I think. (Though I haven't had one in a really long time).
You'll find someone. *crosses fingers*
Queer-culture should be about solidarity. The exclusion of trans people in some circles bothers me and the nonesense that's going on between the gay males and the lesbians in my city bothers me even more (they started it, though it's complicated and more about money than about queer stuff). It's kind of ridiculous that us girls are crossing the border to go to the Serbian gay club rather than visit our own club, but that's what it's come to. (The Serbian gay club in the little town near the border is awesome and I'd totally go there even without what's been going on, but it's hardly walking distance.)
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2009-06-03 05:49 pm (UTC)Regarding what your roommates said, the woman I was speaking of is like that too. It's noticeable more when she's dressed in a feminine way, or when she lets her guard down, something in the way she holds herself and the way she moves, and her energy. Even though she doesn't pass, even when dressed up, she's a woman and she's feminine. The masculine seems like a mask that she puts on for the outside world, and when she's dressed in regular clothes she just passes as a regular guy, but still, even then, she's a woman inside.
For me, if it weren't for the trauma (which will make it hard for me even with a cisgendered woman), I think I could handle the pre-op thing. I don't know for sure, but in my head, a penis on a woman is just a completely different thing from a penis on a man. I think the hardest part is that I'd rather the penis be on me not on my partner, but to me that's all secondary to loving someone or not loving someone. It's a part, but to love someone, you have to be able to have a good relationship with them in all kinds of situations, most of which are outside the bedroom, and I think things in the bedroom can be worked out if the attraction is there, while if you haven't found someone you can enjoy yourself with for a considerable amount of time outside of the bedroom, then you've found a one-night-stand at best.
But this manner of thinking makes it harder for me to find partners, not easier. A lot of women seem younger than me, even if they aren't (most of the girls in our circle are in their twenties, like me), because they're freer, and haven't had the experiences I've had. I've learned a lot from all my relationships, I think. (Though I haven't had one in a really long time).
You'll find someone. *crosses fingers*
Queer-culture should be about solidarity. The exclusion of trans people in some circles bothers me and the nonesense that's going on between the gay males and the lesbians in my city bothers me even more (they started it, though it's complicated and more about money than about queer stuff). It's kind of ridiculous that us girls are crossing the border to go to the Serbian gay club rather than visit our own club, but that's what it's come to. (The Serbian gay club in the little town near the border is awesome and I'd totally go there even without what's been going on, but it's hardly walking distance.)